Content
The theme of making amends is forgiveness, and although it is one of the steps people may not like, it comes at this point in the AA journey for a reason. It means the person has come to a point where they are ready to move forward through this step, but it takes some finesse to do it without causing more harm to loved ones. A big part of working the 12-Step Program is making amends. Unfortunately, after you get sober, all the hurt and destruction you caused in the wake of your addiction doesn’t just go away.
Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. In the event of a medical emergency, call a doctor or 911 immediately. This website does not recommend or endorse any specific tests, physicians, products, procedures, opinions, or other information that may be mentioned on the Site. Reliance on any information provided by this website is solely at your own risk. Practice accepting other’s responses to your efforts and remember that you have done all you can.
Different Types of Amends
You stole property or money from a family member or friend who does not want any contact with you. Since you cannot make direct amends with them, you could donate to a charity in their name or reimburse them by sending them the money your stole or cash for the property’s value. Always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
- They can make a living amend to change their lifestyle, get sober, and stop stealing from their parent.
- And finally, we are very aware that in order to keep this feeling of freedom, we’ll need to keep on applying what we’ve learned while working the steps.
- Perhaps you promised a loved one to help paint a room, but your struggles with substance abuse made that promise go by the wayside.
- It doesn’t matter how you choose to donate to Living Amends; your donation will go to support those less fortunate than yourself.
You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships. To make amends, you must do more than just make apologies for your past behavior. Instead, making amends means you apologize for what you’ve done and make it right. Similarly, making living amends means you completely change the way living amends you live and remain committed to that lifestyle. Living amends is a concept linked to addiction recovery and part of the twelve-step program for sober living. In simple terms, it means taking responsibility for the person you used to be and how you caused harm to the people in your life who care about you.
What Does Step 9 (Making Amends) Have To Do With Sobriety?
You may make indirect amends by writing a letter, send an email, etc. You should still follow the guideline above when making indirect amends. Before you start working step nine, you must have already completed step eight. Step eight says “Made a list of all the people we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” You cannot work the 9th step effectively without doing step eight first. To work the 12 steps effectively, specifically step nine, you should have a sponsor or someone that has already worked the steps to help you and more importantly be there to support you.
Never force someone to allow you to offer an amends and apologize. Decide how you intend to offer amends with the individual directly or indirectly. In recovery, our actions and intentions are aligned. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took.
How To Make Amends in Addiction Recovery
Thankfully we are given some insight in to how to make amends through steps 8 and 9. We make a list of all people we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all , and then make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others . But amends are so much more than just making a list and saying you are sorry, and this is where it becomes important to understand the difference between making an amends and making an apology. However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.
Each step signifies a new challenge to reflect and/or act in a way that changes old mindsets and behaviors that once fed addiction. Through mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, members learn and practice these spiritual steps and principles, with a view to staying sober and helping others do the same. Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction.